yet another week.

you gotta get used to my angsty saturday posts.

i think i'm really changing. i really sensed it this week when almost every word that comes out of my mouth does not appear in dictionaries, but it also happens that i am talking very little. very, very little. i am getting pissed off so often that it's becoming a normal state of mind.

i'm thankful for my family and for those who are willing to hear me rant. there aren't many, of course, and i have this feeling of dread that bmt could be worse.

the week that had gone by was highly stressful - with of course a few relieving moments and one very good day but other than that i still don't know where i am going. my problem is that i'm not focused, and that's a huge problem i have there.

today it got slightly better when i secured full marks for ippt and got a gold. let's just say it wasn't totally unexpected, but i was gunning for more and my scores for many sections just dropped. NO MATTER. they were enough to be scraping 5 pointers.

and i think i might have finally broken 9 min for 2.4 :) either that or i went really close. i ran my arse out despite the congestion that was clearing up and the discipline i tried to instill in myself in the week seemed to have paid off.

but the screw-up is i don't know my timing. zz.

monday and tuesday were mostly rubbish because they were the dunno what to say days. i don't even remember what i was doing. i only know there were fk lot of politics when they did peer appraisals and stuff. nelson asked me - "doesn't this remind you of council days?"

fuck yes. not the pleasant memories of it, by the way. reminds me of filling bloody KP-LPI forms where i would cock up many of them because i felt that i was going nowhere.

and its just our luck that kenny and james went out of training. okay kenny never wanted this life but james is just pure unlucky. i fucking want james to come back to leopard now. if i didn't have my other closer friends with me in hell while the wanktards from other JC still existed i think i might just go mad.

army has turned me into a pessimist. or at least when i'm blogging. my mood swings violently nowadays, from pure ecstasy on bookout where i'd cheer like mad and then as reality sinks in that i book in tomorrow i start getting angsty.

yj the army boy is certainly not someone you'd want to get to know. many things have been happening on the outside world, and sadly none of them are in my control, neither is it my business. i live in an alternate reality.

naturally, we all know that thousands of singaporean men have walked the path i currently walk. they'd rant much less than i did. some wouldn't because they are stronger, while some others wouldn't because they're the retards that can be so frustrating.

then later i'm going to take a long walk outside because i can. you really appreciate the fucking world around you now.

weekend bookouts are not just precious, it's heaven. and as i was kindly pointed out that i'm paid 40 cents an hour (thanks a lot karwei), i can't even splurge on anything. i just enjoy civilian air. or i'd treat myself to some great hawker food and then go whack catered food for another 6 days.

don't get me wrong, i don't say the food sucks.. it's just that after eating the same thing over and over again you'd get sick of it.

i didn't want to blog today. as a matter of fact i never feel like blogging when i book out. just that after i read a few blogs i thought it might be nice to keep a few memories of my recruit days, because only then will i learn how to appreciate shit in the future.

and also because if i don't blog now, i won't get the chance to for the next few days. so whatever i can do, i do. screwed up logic, but it works for me.

oh and i also came to another conclusion this week. which i shall abruptly end this post with because i feel like playing the piano. i haven't touched it in ages. and all the snacking that i did (continuously for 4 hours + lunch, no joke) is making me get a stomachache.

here's my findings: ARMY IS ALL ABOUT LUCK.

those in army, go think about it. for those who are not, go to your respective god and thank him/her a few hundred times over that you were either born a female or you actually survived the two years.

as for those who hasn't enlisted yet, i'd be sure to pray for you.

one more thing. we seals needa fucking swim. i think i haven't touched water since dunno when. i really really miss the pool.

navy seals ftw!~