exercise begin!

i am standing straight in the scorching sun with my rifle. i am given a command and i move. unfortunately the coordination is off and i am forced to repeat the step. the perspiration is coming down from my brow and i'm starting to feel uncomfortable in my uniform.

forty-eight others around me probably felt the same way as i did.

what the fuck am i doing here?

i would never have imagined that i would live up to this day to talk cock about life in tékong. the 16 days that i spent in camp from the 9th to 24th january were hellish and boring, and was everything that i could asked not to have. i won't be going into detail for obvious reasons.

but there are times of anguish and pain - many times - that i had to go through while in there. my heart would twist and wrench itself with homesickness, and towards the end i got desperately homesick and wanting out.

sometimes the situation doesn't help either.

how many fucking leaders does one platoon need?
none - we don't need leaders who tend to fuck about.

this batch of people i'm going in with are supposedly "leaders". i don't know what is that supposed to mean, but i'm sure as hell annoyed sometimes by their actions. again there is nothing much to say about that, and this is yet another random rant.

of course nothing can be totally bad (i think) - and there are silver linings during my time in basic mili3 centre school 2. it sort of reminds me that humanity still exists in this world, in the cold-blooded island we call tékong, and that care and compassion still lies in the hearts of the soldiers.

i had a new year resolution about reducing or totally stopping the number of vulgarities i tend to use. it was working a little for the first 8 days of january - but after entering the army i guess the resolution fucking got smashed and i'm doing fuck all to stop it.

everyone inside camp uses vulgarity - or nearly everyone. i found myself uttering a profanity almost once every ten seconds of speech i had. and i thought i was becoming vulgar during the exam period..? well the army doubled my proficiency in less than half the time of exam angst.

i am thankful for my friends in army. LOL. all the talk cock sessions during meals and exercises. once again no details about anything. i feel pain and angst sometimes - like when i failed bloody dalf c2, when i miss a certain grade by 1 mark, or when BW failed to clinch the title alone.

but the army experience beats it all. now i treasure my weekends more than ever, and "freedom" means a shit load more to me.

hahaha army angst. if you think i rant excessively let's just say this is already controlled ranting considering i've had 16 full days of BMT. that's why i didn't want to write here on friday otherwise it might be very bad.

i don't know where this post is going either. it's just meant to be my way of saying "army sucks" but then again no recruit in his right mind would be having an orgasm about going back in tonight. lol about the sexual connotations as well - that's something else i learnt inside there.

it's a very different kind of world in army, and i aspire to learn as much as i can. just that given a choice, you know i'd rather be back out here learning more applicable and interesting stuff. tonight i go back in, you won't see me till next weekend.

i spent the past few days meeting up with as many people as possible. pcb had a ranting session at dom's which unfortunately i could not have attended. perhaps it was for the better since i rant quite a lot already. though getting more out of my system would be okay.

there's so much more i wanted to say - so much more that i thought i could blog as i went through the activities in camp. more words of negativity and angst. but what good would it serve?

i realise ranting is a never ending process. i could repeat the same story to many people and still feel genuinely (sp?) pissed about it. well it's 2 years hello.

i try to promise i will make the best of it and come out alive. then i pray singapore doesn't have a war.

wait to rush and rush to wait,
that's what they call a soldier's fate.

they say when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. that is why i can't bloody wait to ORD. the time that i enjoy most on tékong, is the time that has passed. another week in military hell awaits, and i drag myself to hell tonight.

navy seals ftw!~