is it that bad?

just came back from armour dining-in. i must say the event surpassed expectations, but then if one has been keeping tabs on the shit i say obviously i don't expect much from SAF events.

from the $59.20 i paid, maybe this event was worth a $22.35. it's decent even though the event kinda dragged on and didn't adhere strictly to the schedule. i feel invigorated by the dining-in because it marks the end of another hectic week. and probably that's the reason for my good mood: it's a fricking friday night.

so anyway. they played many armour videos which was pretty expected, but the irony was that every single damn thing was made by signals. and the invitation guy was signals. needless to say so were the comms. going for armour dining-in made me more proud of my formation.

and watching the videos made me feel like i'm making a difference in NS. though from the past one and a half years i am DAMN SURE i do not. the only positive experience NS has given me is my off, leave and my interactions with street-wise NSFs.

nonetheless back to the dining-in - the food was good (i was spamming away), the company was all right and the music was brilliant. the fact that only officers and warrant officers were invited made it some kind of privilege to be able to join in. i'm still sore about the way they made it compulsory but looking back it's still a night to remember.

although the post-dinner games were retarded, it was fun watching them punk each other and leaving early. lol. and it felt good to be back in OCS as a second lieutenant. even though it was in no.2. just nostalgia and all.

by the way i think that's a good thing about army. their uniforms are darn smart and with my new $3.80 haircut "jian bao" + no. 2 i think i haven't looked so smart in such a long time haha. it's way cool. too bad no image capturing devices. i'd like to remind myself that i look smart.

sometimes i wonder if i'd miss army when i look back, and somehow i know the answer would be yes, despite it being so damn fucked up and an uber negative experience. basically you don't feel the pain you're not going through. and when you go through some other sort of pain you'd think "shit i liked the good old days".

maybe when i go to uni i'd start making noise about studying again.

army has given me a sense of satisfaction in ways that they probably never intended to. maybe it's a bit early to say this since i haven't ORD, but i like it when i feel like they're making full use of their lives. which is to say __________. i derive my pleasure in seeing empty bunks knowing they're doing more useful things elsewhere.

perhaps i am still learning something because i'm in a leadership role. even though it's not tangible and the fact is that i also do a lot of meaningless stuff. but MEN? they're like doing the ultimate scum jobs, and in between they play PSP. waste of life.

if one is to waste life, one might as well be enjoying himself while doing it. then that's considered a good use of one's time. and i found out one cannot really enjoy himself in camp.

so it goes. feels good to help others and feels good to be appreciated. that's what i set out to do in my NS life and i think so far, so good. save someone from the drudgery if i can't save myself. and if this sounds noble and ROMEO WHISKY no it's not. at this stage of my service i'd be looking to save myself first.

if this sounds cryptic never mind. i guess i can never put down my thoughts to words and organised prose so fluidly as i did before, no thanks to the national brain-rot service. and even though this post might reflect positively on my time in here thanks to 1 x good dinner and the things that make me happy..

..overall it's still army sucks.

and we know, it's coming.

128 more days.