stairway to hell.

..filled with dread.

wth today was screwed up. it always is when you wake up at 12:30pm.

i stared at my alarm clock and almost spewed 20 vulgarities in a row only that my mother came in at the 17th. then i started wondering what on earth went wrong with me. my lifestyle is screwed up.

the highlight for today was visiting my grandma. which i felt I SIMPLY HAD TO because i haven't been there in ages and i'm starting to feel very unfilial. like what am i doing at home all the time, i should really make an effort. now that the exams are over, i don't have excuses for myself and i don't wish to make any. and a long bus ride down to orange valley nursing home was on the cards.

orange valley nursing home, unlike what its name might hint, is a bloody sad place. it's the sort of place that would make anyone who is super high become depressed. situated just off bukit merah road (i think) in silat avenue, it's near some hdb that is fricking screwed up. i would call it a "ghost town", but even that might seem excessively good as "ghost town" exudes a certain charm, and perhaps it has vestiges of a type of indescribable romance.

but the place was just plain SCREWED UP. argh.

the nursing home, as before, was understaffed. the walls were dingy and sad senior citizens just mulled around waiting to die (i'm serious). now this is seriously depressing so i'm not going to elaborate, as if i haven't done enough. plus, reading the possibility of an island by michel houellebecq just plunged me deeper into the abyss of depression. don't know why so moody today.

like i said, the place was just plain screwed up.

my mother told me to get a cup of water for my grandma. i went to the pantry, saw three tumblers but all of them were empty. now where's the service? and no nurses were in sight, except for one filipino maid outside tending to at least fifteen old people. (no exaggeration okay.) if ministry of manpower (MOM) were to know of this slum, they'd get it nice and full.

similarly, if ministry of health gets to know of this filthy place. there was dust all over and it was no place where anyone could be nursed back to health. if you wanted a frank opinion, it's preparation for people going to hell. don't ask me why i'm ranting, i'm just moody.

after getting an empty cup of water, i just found a chair in some isolated corner and started to read the corrupting book that i mentioned earlier. the possibility of an island. it's seriously chilling and it puts things in a new, bleak perspective. something about human emotions vanishing in the future. ahh i dunno la i'll write a review one day if i'm free. (which probably not, but zzz heck.)

still, ten hours of sleep didn't help as i dozed off in the chair. SITTING UPRIGHT. how gay is that, and so much for visiting my grandma. just barely 5 minutes of pleasantries and i'm off to sleep. the bloody place really has a hypnotic effect. i think i'm thankful my grandma has dementia, so she won't know what an unfilial shit i have been while she's been holed up in this slum.

and till now i don't know why i'm ranting about the slum. just hate the place so fricking much i think i'd better warn anyone who is thinking of putting their relatives into this orange valley nursing home to think again. that is no place to recover. ironically, singapore general hospital is just round the corner.

i'm thinking they might stand a better chance there. sgh has better service.

anyway going back to toa payoh was a great relief. my mother went to do her shopping and when we got back she told me to chop fruits (to make fruit juice). i never thought that would be one of the most daunting tasks in my life (kinda proving i'm spoilt lol). i would seriously consider finishing permutations & combinations tutorial.

twelve carrots and six apples.

and i think i almost chopped my finger twenty times?!

good practice for long days at home though. i figure i'd have to learn it someday. it was no mean task, because chopping them into halves and quarters weren't good enough. it had to be in THIN SLICES so it could fit into the juicer. which means i took a hell of a long time trying to chop everything.

i consider it miraculous i escaped unharmed. yes "escaped".

then came the fruit juice that could not have tasted better.

now i think THIS would be the highlight of the day. anytime.

in all honesty, i don't know why i'm posting this. perhaps i just wanted to give an honest account of what happened today. one thing's for sure though, i certainly learnt how to appreciate the things around me better. MUCH MUCH BETTER. orange valley, my arse. more like valley in hell.

right, enough.

navy seals ftw!~